Fishcapades

I’ve always loved aquariums, fish and all that. I generally prefer to watch fish rather then eat them. However, I haven’t always been particularly capable of actually maintaining that idyllic tank. I’ve gone through several permutations of trying to maintain a fish tank. I’m going to share something I wrote several years ago (before I started recording instances like this in a blog) about my first attempt at a fish tank. It’s called Fishcapades:

Fishcapades

OK, decided to fulfill the yearning to get a tiny fish tank, I got a few small fish and a really pretty female Beta, the only problem was that the beta was sick. Of course I don't really know much about fish.... so here it goes.

I went back to the store and described what was going on, she was lethargic, spitting out her food and fuzzy, fish aren't supposed to be fuzzy - leave that to the cat....

I was told to get her out of the tank fast or she would kill the others, so by the time I got home she was nearly dead, the tiniest other fish got sick a day later, but the other two were fine. After a week with them not getting sick, I went back to the store and they told me it was safe to replace her....

Fish #2 A day later he started acting funny - oh no, not again.... So I got on the computer and looked up Beta disease. They either had Ick or White Spot disease, most likely both. So off I went to the pet store to get fish antibiotics, yes folks, antibiotics.... for fish.....

The directions said I had to completely replace the water in the tank and rinse everything clean so I took out the fish and had them in a measuring cup, Beta in one the small fish in another. I cleaned everything out and let the water acclimate to room temperature and now it was time to put the fish back in the tank....

To do this you need to acclimate them to the same temperature as the tank but floating the cup in the tank for a half hour, then add some tank water wait some more and then put the fish in. So this tank has a tiny opening and I couldn't fit both measuring cups in and didn't want to spend hours acclimating the fish, so I put them all in the same cup thinking they came home that way it wouldn't matter... So I turned away to do some homework...

A few minutes later I get up and decide to check on the fish, I look in the cup and count 1, 2, .... where's #3? My thought process goes on… Not in the big tank, not in the cup, did the beta eat him? No he wouldn't fit in his mouth whole… where the hell is the fucking fish??!!?? Then bang out of nowhere a fish comes hurtling through the air and smacks me in the forehead as I'm bending over the tank. Of course I let out a scream... what the hell, no he's flipping around on the carpet covered in cat hair and some stray fish food.

Oh MY GOD... I run for the bathroom to get the fish net... run back to the office and try to get the fish off the floor and into the net, run back to the bathroom and grab the cup throw some water and drop the fish in, and now I'm trying to figure out how to get the cat hair out of the cup without accidentally dumping the fish down the drain. I set the cup down to go get the other one to get some safer tank water and look in the measuring cup.....1 fish, OH GOD DAMMIT where's the other @*$#& fish?!!! On the carpet of course.... back to the bathroom for the fish net repeat process.

Now I'm thinking that they are all going to die because the healthy fish are covered in cat hair and the beta is getting furry. Great, what a fiasco. The next morning I go in the office and the Beta is dead (figures) and the other two fish are swimming around like nothing ever happened. These are some seriously hearty fish... evolution at its best. Well I think I'm just going to get a dang gold fish this time, it's hard to kill them....

Don't you wish you could have been a fly on the wall, I would love to have a picture of the expression on my face when that fish came out of nowhere and smacked me in the forehead....

Postscript
What I didn’t share was the fish’s names: Larry (beta) his brother Daryl, and his other brother Daryl (the two identical stripers). Of course the second time Larry died it kinda killed the joke. I was left with the two Daryls for quite some time.

I went through several more tries with different types of low tech fish setups. Dan got me a hydroponic peace Lilly with a beta in the vase. That lasted until our unfortunate neighbors who were feeding our cat accidentally turned off the furnace instead of the basement lights and the beta got to cold and expired. Unfortunately for me I had to clean out the half decayed and furry fish out of the vase later because the Lilly was alive and I felt way too guilty throwing the whole thing away…

Finally after all this my friend Liz gave me a real tank setup and I’ve had some further adventures. After the remaining geriatric goldfish expired I decided to switch to fresh water tropicals.

Back to 2007
We still have fish, but now we are down to one…
I stared with three African cichlids and a sucker fish. I was feeding them regular fish food and not too much was happening – at least there were no disasters. One day Dan decided to buy them a treat – Krill. It is really amazing how fast fish will grow if given a nutritional boost.

The Jack Dempsey grew astoundingly fast, and with his girth, his aggression grew as well. Suddenly you would notice that there was one less fish in the tank. But, there was no floaters, no sinkers, and no fuzzies. Jack ate them all – and now only he is left. He is probably over about 6 inches long now and actually kinda scary. You see he has teeth, and he knows how to use them obviously as his war of extermination went kinda poorly for his tank mates. Should you really be able to see teeth on your pet fish? All I can say is so much for the idyllic tank of swimming tropical fish. I’m afraid to buy any more fish (afraid they would just end up as REALLY expensive fish food) and the one I have just sleeps in his castle all day, so he’s about as much fun to watch as watching grass grow.

About six months ago I tried to take the fish out of the tank so I could clean and move it. I won’t be trying that again any time soon. Even with the new jumbo fish net he was flopping about so violently it resulted in mass amounts of water on the floor and I almost had a REALLY unpleasant revisit of the fish to the forehead moment (except this one weights 1+ lbs.).

Maybe someday I’ll try a salt water tank, with happy friendly fish like clown fish and angel fish. It’s likely to be awhile, this is one hearty fish and I don’t want to try moving him again, Ever.

Because Life Can Be Stranger Then Fiction

Just to proove once again that life is just as whacked out as anything Hollywood can come up with:

Thieves Cut Off Man's Holy Leg

Adding Insult to Injury or Why I Hate Plants

I bought a beautiful plant for the centerpiece of my thanksgiving dinner table. Supposedly it should last and continue to bloom. Not in my life. Now it looks totally bedraggled and sad, despite the fact that I have been checking to make sure the soil is damp. I have a brown thumb.

The other reason that plants and I don’t get along is because I have cats… Mouse in particular. Note that the cat is a) not supposed to be on the table and b) is supposed to leave the potted plants alone. This morning I notice a disgusting brown spot of cat yak on my beautiful new tablecloth.

“OH GROSS!!!!”

It was still wet, sort of, but had been sitting there long enough for the acids to totally have ruined all semblance of a finish on that part of the dining room table. Great. She just had to get on the table and gnaw on the new plant, which as usual, induced almost immediate vomiting. I managed to get the table cloth clean thank goodness – now I can cover up the big ruined spot on the table’s finish.

Just to add insult to injury, as I gathered up my slippers to take them upstairs I noticed that she had also aimed over the edge of the table and managed to yak, not onto, but into my slipper. Fantastic, It’s going to be a good day, and believe me it did NOT get any better from there.

What I'm thankful for

1. After a tough year and two heart attacks, I still have my father.
2. My husband. I can say that now, we had a wonderful wedding surrounded by family and our most dear friends.
3. All of the people who sat around my thanksgiving table yesterday, for they are just as much my family as my Mom and Dad are.
4. I finally graduated from school.
5. I actually have some job interviews.
   
   Those are my top 5, there are many more: my cats, my house (despite how much I bitch about my neighborhood sometimes) and countless others. I like thanksgiving, not only for the food fest that ensues, but because it reminds me to keep my perspective. I need to remember to step back from all the things I stress out about on a daily basis and remember that all in all my life is good. There are those who face more insurmountable problems on a daily basis – like trying to simply stay alive. For all these I have every reason to be thankful.

Repost

I snatched this off a friend's blog, I just couldn't pass it up:

FORGET REDNECKS...Here's what Jeff Foxworthy has to say about New Englanders!
If you can drive 65 mph through 2 feet of snow during a raging blizzard without flinching, you might live in New England.

• If you've worn shorts and a parka at the same time, you might live in New England.
• If you consider it a sport to gather your food by drilling through 36 inches of ice and sitting there all day hoping it will swim by, you might live in New England.
• If you're proud that your region makes the national news 96 nights each year because Mt. Washington is the coldest spot in the nation and Boston gets more snow than any other major city in the U.S., you might live in New England.
• If your local Dairy Queen is closed from September through May, you might live in New England.
• If you instinctively walk like a penguin for six months out of the year, you might live in New England.
• If someone in a Home Depot store offers you assistance, and they don't work there, you might live in New England.
• If you've ever had a lengthy telephone conversation with someone who dialed the wrong number, you might live in New England.
• And...you know you're a New Englander when "Vacation" means going anywhere south of New York City for the weekend.

Other hints...

• You measure distance in hours
• You know several people who have hit a deer more than once.
• You have switched from "Heat" to "A/C" in the same day and back again.
• You install security lights on your house and garage, but leave both unlocked.
• You carry jumper cables in your car and your girlfriend/wife knows how to use them.
• You design your kid's Halloween costume to fit over a snow suit.
• The speed limit on the highway is 55 mph but you're going 80 and everyone is still passing you!
• Driving is better in the winter because all the potholes are filled with snow.
• You know all four seasons: almost winter, winter, still winter, and road construction.
• Your 4th of July picnic was moved indoors due to frost.
• You have more miles on your snow blower than on your car.
• You find 10 degrees "a little chilly."

What!?!

Wait, you get to keep the leg....?

Morning Edition, October 3, 2007 · A South Carolina man lost his leg three years ago in a plane crash. John Wood put his amputated leg in a barbecue smoker for safe keeping, and then put the whole thing in a storage unit. But when he fell behind on payments, the smoker was auctioned off with the leg inside. The new owner called police, but not until after he'd made a few bucks by charging people to take a look. A custody battle for the leg is underway.

Listen (if you dare)

Inner Piece... (yes, I did spell that wrong on purpose)

Drowning in a Sea of Paper

I’ve been busily trying to turn out all the laboratory exercises for my osteo class next fall. This leads me to two observations. (1) I really need a scanner and (2) It seems that whenever I get involved in a project (of an academic nature) it is quite obvious to the casual observer, i.e. my office really suffers. Of course I have one of those twisty office chairs at my desk, and currently it is completely surrounded on all three sides with a hemisphere of paper and book, which I have to clamber over in order to go get a drink of water or whatever else may draw me away from the desk. Yesterday, between the cat and all of my papers there wasn’t a inch of my desk top visible. This is quite a feat since I have an enormous desk.

Of course ever present in the middle of whatever it is I am trying to read is Mouse. I count my blessings when she isn’t on the keyboard or standing on the sliver of desk between me and the keyboard because she is pissed that I am paying more attention to work then to her.

I got a jury duty summons the other day.

“Dangit, didn’t I just do this?”

I found my juror certificate, and of course, it was three years ago almost to the day. I swear I’ve been called to jury duty more over the last 15 years than anyone else I know. WTF? Of course the appearance was also scheduled for the exact day and time I’m supposed to be in RI teaching. Sigh.

Another great way to waste time...

Simpson Me...









and at the Quick-E-Mart...











Simpsonize yourself

Worth every second...

Dan told me I should read this...

A Street Sweeper's Tale

Make sure you can contain yourself if you are at work, it will make you howl out loud with laughter. Such a great read and worth every second...

Work Sucks!

Well, it raining, and its cold, and I’ve been sitting in front of this computer trying to figure out how I am going to teach this class all day. Suckage. Can I please rewind just a few days and go back to the fun, sun and glorious beaches of the Vineyard? Vacation is wonderful, facing reality when you come back is a serious drag.

I think I’ll take a moment to relay a few memorable moments of the trip (think blooper reel):

We were walking on an incredibly crowded corner near the Black Dog Wharf and a family: mom, dad and kids were passing us on the edge of the sidewalk walking their bikes. One of the younger boys had one of those half a bike things attached to the back of his father’s bicycle. Well, the kid totally wasn’t looking where he was going. Just holding onto the handlebars and watching his feet as he scurried along behind Dad. Too bad for him he failed to notice the signpost and walked into it full force right in the face, landing in a heap on the sidewalk. Amazingly he didn’t cry, I think he was too confused about how he ended up sitting on the road… It was all I could do to control myself until his parents got far enough away for us both to bust out laughing.

We went to Gay Head, which are the majestic costal cliffs on the west shore of the island. After admiring them from above we set out for the long walk to the beach. Once we reached the beach we walked for awhile towards the cliffs to try and dodge the most crowded and kid infested parts of the beach. We reached as nice area closer to the cliffs and settled down. Dan dove right into his book, but as usual I decided to sit up for awhile and look around. Suddenly I realized “Oh my God, that dude is buck ass naked!” wait “so is that dude, and that dude and oh, honey you really shouldn’t be naked!” Yep we found the nudie beach! Oops. The hotel clerk told us there was one but we didn’t know exactly where it was. The most amusing part of the whole experience after the initial humorous realization was watching the families with kids stroll down the beach to look at the cliffs (possibly one of the biggest tourist draws and most scenic spots on the entire island) and suddenly realize that they have unwittingly brought their kids to a nudie beach. I thought it was a rather odd choice of a place for a naked beach, or perhaps it is the local’s ironic way of getting some small revenge on all those pesky tourists that invade in the summer…

I had to share

Ok, most of you aren't going to know my friend Sean, this post is in homage to him and a recent experience of his.

Read this: Never underestimate the enemy

You have got to read this it is so worth it. All I can say is there are two morals to this story:
1. Young people need to learn respect for thier elders
2. Truth is always stranger then fiction

I only wish I could have been there... perhaps with a video camera.

Ahhh...

I am house sitting for my parents for a few days while they have a mini vacation. So I have escaped my infamous neighborhood for a while… and what a difference. Sunday was glorious, that really the best word I can think to use. During the hottest part of the day I went in search of scrap booking paraphernalia with a friend of mine, as I really want to take that up again. Then we went for a paddle in the Kayaks. After she left I managed to get some work done on a map I’m working on, then I sat on the front porch enjoying the evening sun with a glass of wine and the newspaper. After dinner I decided to go for ice cream and a walk. I walked down to the Point Spa and got ice cream for the first time since I was in high school. Then I walked the main beach as the sun was setting and the sky looked like spun pink and blue cotton candy. I was all energized so I walked back along the water and walked the whole way around the point. It was the perfect time for walking, late, cool and pleasant. It was so nice to be able to walk at that time without having to worry about being mugged. That is the perfect time for me to exercise – as opposed to first thing in the morning, which never happens. I always say I should get up and go, but frankly there just is no fighting biology. I’m a night person. Period.

As much as I’m enjoying the relaxing quiet of GLP you know that calamity, at least accident induced calamity can never fall far behind my wake. At about 11 pm last night I took a glass of wine and my book to bed. As I was getting settled I noticed a LARGE spider on the wall just near my pillow. I’m sorry he just had to go. Now for all you insect lovers that are going to scream cause I said I killed a spider – if he had been almost anywhere else in the house I would have left him alone – but not near my head when I’m sleeping. Sorry, childhood phobia, so I don’t want to hear it.

So anyway, I reached for the tissues to dispatch him and somehow (I haven’t figured out how yet) my wine glass got knocked over, soaking everything. This was way too much liquid for a few tissues so I darted out of the room to grab a hand towel and immediately stomped on the dog’s bone. Its one of those evil nylon ones with the little nubs all over it to clean their teeth, you can just imagine how that felt on the arch of my foot. So after resoundingly kicking the bone down the hallway, I was hopping up and down on one foot swearing trying to get the closet door open and get a towel before the tissue dam I made is breached and wine goes all over the carpet. Well if finally got the mess cleaned up only to find myself VERY awake, with a sore arch (but at least I didn’t have to listen to screaming neighbors or booming stereos only fog horns). Oh well, so much for an early night…

More Silliness

Ahh, people’s stupidity continues to bring me joy, or at least a few good laughs.

Honda Ad Campaign Mistakenly Awards Millions

A Honda dealer in Roswell, New Mexico tried an ad campaign involving $50,000 scratch-off tickets. Scratch off the ticket that came in the mail; win $1,000. Imagine the surprise at Roswell Honda when they discovered all 50,000 tickets were winners — and more than half were mailed before the typo was discovered. So that's only a $30 million mistake (Morning Edition, NPR)

Giant Man Eating Badgers… And Other Stuff

You really must check out this juicy little tidbit: http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/middle_east/6295138.stm

The local rumor mill is busy, busy, busy in the Iraqui city of Basera. Superstition and fear of a little known animal has bred a wonderful new chupacabra-esque belief that British troops have intentionally released a plague of giant man eating badgers onto the local populace. The creature is the size of a dog, with the head of a monkey according to a local housewife who claims she was attacked in her sleep. This of course has led to the funniest ever official military pronouncement:

UK military spokesman Major Mike Shearer said: "We can categorically state that we have not released man-eating badgers into the area.” (BBC news credit)

Ahhh, life is truly better then fiction. Not much more new to report around here, except that I have attempted to jump back on the exercise bandwagon (however, I feel kinda like I fell off… hard). I’ve been Kayaking twice and walked three miles twice over the last four days. So now I feel a bit like I did after that first kickboxing class. I think I’m going to take today off, that way I can still walk tomorrow!

Doga my Yoga

Ouch

Ok I am really going to make an attempt to get back on the fitness bandwagon. Lets just say I’m less then happy with the condition I’m in. Frankly, I really have NO excuse any more. My thesis is done; my summer class is done. Now, that’s not to say that I don’t have anything to get accomplished, but there is no longer any excuse that I don’t have time to go to the gym.

I’ve been sort of sucked into watching martial arts lately. I’d really like to learn to fight. So, I thought I would do the compromise thing, and start off by going to the cardio-kickboxing class at the gym. Great cardio and I can pretend that I’m actually fighting and not just running on a treadmill like a squirrel in a wheel.

Ok, I have only one thing to say… Oooouuuccchhhh!

Well, there is actually more to say, besides feeling like I’ve been run over by a Mac truck, did I really need to be reminded how completely uncoordinated and ungraceful I am? And, Sean… I’m gonna need those gloves… cause I’m not giving up!

It goes without saying

How cool is this?

The Eyes Have It

Dan: I'm haveing trouble with my eyes...

Me: What's wrong? Did you take your contacts out?

Dan: No, I just can't see myself getting up for another beer.

dumb and dumber

CNN quoted Paris Hilton yesterday as saying “I’ll no longer act dumb.”

Click to Arrrggghhh: http://www.cnn.com/2007/SHOWBIZ/TV/06/11/paris.hilton.ap/index.html

Two things, no make that three:
1. Oh My God! You mean she was just acting all this time?

2. This is headline news? Isn't there a war or something going on?

3. When was dumb ever cute?

The small vs. the chubby

So I couldn’t figure out why my resident blue jay (the one that like to mock the cat) was being so loud and annoying. He was continuously cawing at top lung power and he had been keeping it up for about 30 min. I was finally getting annoyed, it felt like his call was rattling around in my brain. Finally I decided to get up and have a look around.

I noticed something sleeping in the large tree behind the house that was definitely NOT a cat. The jay was decidedly upset about this. He was dancing around the sleeping critter and literally yelling at it. He started dive bombing the poor thing who was obviously trying to sleep (unsuccessfully). It turned out to be a very large, chubby raccoon. The poor thing must have been nearly deafened but he wasn’t moving except for his ears which would bounce back in dismay each time the jay cawed. Finally he seem to get fed up and chagrined began to climb down the tree trunk. This didn’t seem to satisfy the jay who followed him down the tree, and chased him still cawing across the yard. Talk about ballsy if that coon was more motivated – he would have been an easy lunch. I guess it just goes to show even if you are small if you are TOTALLY annoying you can drive just about anything away.

I wish my digital camera had sound because it was a total riot. If you watch it just know that every time the ears bounce the jay is sounding off…

Racoon vs. Jay

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Soggy

Well this morning started in typical Cara disaster fashion. Just as Dan was leaving the house I passed the water cooler. That’s when I noticed a pool of water on the floor. I lifted up the corner of the carpet and yes all underneath the carpet was wet (mostly unfinished) wood floor. Aaaarrrggghhh. Mad dash for the door – try to catch Dan… Nope, too late. So I managed to drag the carpet outside into the sun. The carpet is about 5 x 7 feet and almost the entire thing was soaked. The 5 gallon bottle Dan put on the cooler just yesterday is almost empty. Seems the hot water heater inside went batty, and boiled it all out. Water was coming out the vents and seams on the side, and the whole bottle of water on the top of the cooler was hot. I figured it was going to be really hard to take the water bottle off without spilling everywhere, but there was so little left in it that it really wasn’t a problem. Of course the truly amusing part was if anyone could see me as I tried to hump the cooler, full of water across the house and out the front door. I am now soaked and there is a wonderful trail of water – all the way across the house. What is it with me an appliances? What am I the anti-appliance? They always crap out on me.

Seems I have been rather lax about keeping my blog. I finally turned my dissertation in to the graduate school at 4:30 on the day before graduation. I felt really funny, like it wasn’t actually possible that it could really be over. I was in a daze for the rest of the afternoon. The next day was graduation, and let it be said that with me, nothing is ever without catastrophe. I managed to rear end someone on the way to graduation. Way to go. I got totally bent out of shape, I thought I had completely totaled my car, and I was going to miss my own graduation. Luckily the officer that came to the scene was truly kind. My parents picked us up and we left the car till after graduation to arrange a tow. I ran in the door of Gampel pavilion, ran across the open floor, jumped into my seat, and graduation started. Made it totally by the skin of my teeth! (Dan was actually able to fix my car, thank god!).

Within the next few days I submitted my first paper for publication. Now I can only wait and bite my nails and hope that it is accepted. Spent last week teaching the forensic osteology short course, and now I am preparing to teach my summer session course. My bridal shower was last weekend. It was really nice to see all my friends who I haven’t run into in a really long time. Since graduation and the publication are in, wedding planning has commenced, I must say at a rather frantic pace – it is only one month away. What can I say, I guess I’m not happy if things are going at some sort of normal rather then frenetic pace (I need to learn to stop doing that to myself). Now, if I could just find a job for the fall and avoid any more exploding appliances – I’ll be all set.

Big Day

Well I am happy to report I survived the Big Day. I don’t think I’ve ever been as nervous about anything before in my life. Honestly I really had no reason to be so upset. I was very well prepared and everything went fine. However, I couldn’t really bring myself to eat beforehand and I had become very well acquainted with the bottle of Pepto. Afterwards I made sure I got just as acquainted with a bottle of red wine. Of course that meant I had an emotional meltdown on the way home in the car… I have about three weeks to complete my final round of corrections and then graduation. Phew.

I decided to cut loose from my desk for a few days before getting back to work and spend some quality time with my friends. Went to the late night comedy club last night and busted a gut. I haven’t laughed so hard in a long time. I’m definitely not waiting too long to go back again.

Worth a listen for a laugh (very short)

Saying the Right Thing, in 100 Words or Less

April 10, 2007 · Anyone can put themselves in a situation where they do or say the wrong thing. But, says commentator Daniel Pinkwater, it's rare to find someone who has presented themselves exactly the right way. In his local newspaper, Pinkwater found what he calls "the most concise piece of writing" he has ever seen.

Click Here To Listen

Need to break the twice a month habit.

Ok, so I have gotten REALLY lazy about my blog. Although, it might have something to do with never leaving my desk. So, one week and counting until I defend my thesis. Right now it is hard to tell weather the light at the end of the tunnel means the end is near or the freight train is barreling down at 100+ miles per hour. Although I have been more productive in the last few month then ever before I still have my meltdown moments.

I joined a book club and it is a totally great reason to bug out from work. I really enjoyed it, and I think I found the discussion even more fun then reading the book and I also really liked all the people I met. Should have done that a lot earlier! Well, that all that’s new on my horizon. Everyone pray I survive till graduation!

Drain Fairy

Sunday I went to take a shower and much to my dismay I found the drain totally blocked. What the hell happened? Great no shower for now. So, I got dressed and went out to the store to buy some scary chemicals that I wouldn’t ordinarily go anywhere near (except when not using them means I won’t have a shower for the foreseeable future). After treatment for the allotted time – nothing. Great, still no shower. A whole bottle later at about midnight it still wasn’t flowing so I gave up and went to bed (sans shower). Well in the morning I vowed to take a shower no matter the consequences. Much to my surprise the drain was flowing better then it has in years – hence proving once and for all the existence of the drain fairy.

Pensive

Lately I’ve been thinking a bit about friendship and how it fluxes and morphs as time goes by. I’ve come to realize that as I’ve gotten older (we all have), and moved away that it is a lot harder to maintain as many close friends away from the hustle and bustle of small town life. Friendship is a big investment, and when you neglect a relationship, for whatever reason, it is really hard to go back and fix it. I’ve realized that I still have many of my oldest friends. I still love to see them, and I always have a good time when I do, but I don’t really know what is going on in their lives. This is really inexcusable, even if I’m busy. Oddly just as some of these relationships have become more tenuous, I have made a close friend that I believe I’ll have for a lifetime and nothing makes me happier.

You are probably wondering what brought on all this heavy thinking. Suffice it to say that I recently lost touch with someone who has been a part of my life for over the last ten years. I’m a little miffed, but I don’t think the finger of blame can be pointed at only one of us. I know part of it is my own fault for never picking up the phone and just calling. However, I am feeling surprisingly wounded by the whole situation. The juxtaposition of loosing (perhaps) a friend, gaining a friend and rediscovering many of those I thought long lost through blogging and MySpace has really made me pensive lately.

Unusually Exuberant

Lately I’ve been feeling kind of bad that I haven’t posted much to the blog. But frankly, I wouldn’t want to bore you to tears.

Finally I have something to report… I have revised four more chapters of my thesis and sent them off to those who need to digest them. This means only my conclusion chapter needs to still go through major revisions!!! All that time at my desk is paying off and I am actually getting somewhere! As my Father always says “The light at the end of the tunnel is no longer the oncoming train.”

My defense is set for April 12th and it looks like I’ll actually make the deadline.

Other than that life is pretty much the same ol’ thing. Except I took Saturday night off for a much need date with good friends and a bottle of wine :o) Even at parties you can learn something new: Did you know if you cut a grape in half and put it in the microwave for a few seconds with a glass over it - it will glow. Forget glow it will freakin catch on fire. Someone explain that one to me? What the hell is in a grape other then water? Especially that causes flames? We eat these…

Three Wishes

Life is boring, I never leave my office. So if I’m going to update this thing, you are going to have to satisfied with the abstract.

You are probably wondering where this particular rambling came from. I am currently reading Imperium by Robert Harris (author also of Fatherland & Pompeii). It is the story of one of the great orators of ancient Rome, Cicero. As I started to doze off though I reverted to one of my oldest daydreams (or night dreams in this case), if I had three wishes… Unfortunately, I don’t think I would be charitable enough to ask for world peace. Rather, they would be:

1. The Gift of Language: to be able to understand and speak all languages – you know the equivalent of having a Babel Fish in your ear (towel optional).

2. Gift of Time Travel: (Tardis please…): What did Homo erectus really look like? Ancient Egypt? Pompeii? The Coliseum?

3. Finally, invisibility. Not that I want to sneak around on anyone here, but If you are going to travel in time, the 21st century women might find a bit of trouble not sticking out like a sore thumb in 3000 B.C. not to mention become lunch for some overly aggressive leopard on the African savanna.

Of course all of these things are categorically impossible, but that’s the whole reason I became an archaeologist in the first place.

Blonde Moment

So yesterday my day got off to a stellar start. Dan forgot his lunch so I figured I would drop it off for him on the way home from the library. Got home and had to disconnect my ipod from the car stereo. Forgot I set my keys on the seat and got out locking the door manually. Keys in car – door locked BAD combo.

Dan had to come home after just to let me in the house and of course the second key to the car has been lost for about 2 + years. So, I had to call AAA to come out to the house and jimmy the lock to get my keys out… Not one of my brighter moments. I shouldn’t complain at least was 30 degrees out today and no -8… Perhaps I’ll just stay home today and attempt to avert disaster.

Nuclear Meltdown

By the end of last week I was beginning to feel like it was no longer safe to leave the bedroom, and if I did – I was likely to burn the house down.

It began slowly on Monday as I encountered some relatively insignificant administrative snags regarding a short profession masters course I was about to teach and reached nuclear levels by Tuesday night. Tuesday I found out that the overworked head of the PSM program, neglected to actually put me on the payroll prior to teaching my course. This of course means waiting for the endlessly slow gears of the university payroll to grind into gear, and I might actually see my pay sometime in February. Of course this is a problem for the enormous fee bill that I owe to the University, essentially… Now. Ugh, so it was off to the bursar to beg for leniency (pigs might also fly). The entire reason I even went to school that day was for a meeting, and the person was totally AWOL. Great. So finally I pack up and head home, falsely assuming that things would be better at home.

As I stepped into the house my nose was assaulted with the smell of rotten… something. Oh, no! Now what! So I clean the cat box, take out the trash and do a thorough spray down with Lysol. Didn’t even dent it. Great. Eventually I went down to the basement and found that our deep freezer had ceased to function. All the food (approximately $300 is my guess) was warm, warmer then the air, and totally rotten. But of course the light in the freezer still works so I could really see the mess particularly well.

After a few minutes for the enormity of this disaster to sink (and to recover from how much worse the smell was when I opened the door) in I decided to jump in to cleaning it up as a way to prevent myself from freaking out about the monetary cost of this little problem. I took the first bag of rotten stuff upstairs to go out the kitchen door to the trash area. I give the door a big tug, and you guessed it, I’m holding the door knob and the door is still closed. Damn it!!!! Put down the trash, go find a screw driver. Fix door. Take out trash. Go back for more. Smell back, Ugh, I think I’m going to be sick – Yep. Run upstairs quick! Guess I shouldn’t have eaten those Girl Scout Cookies before I figured out what smelled bad. Ok, thinking I was partially recovered I went back downstairs to face the mess. As I look down at my white sweater I see red… blood, Oh No, now I’m hemorrhaging blood from my nose.

That was it, I lost it. I was bleeding, retching and crying – total meltdown. I called Dan at work and asked him to come home. “Oh my God are you OK????????” I think I freaked him out a little bit. Managed to clean up and regain my composure by the time he got home. Luckily he brought his respirator home so I could finish cleaning without smelling any more of that funk. We locked up the cats and opened all the windows and the basement door to ventilate the smell. I asked Dan to get us something to eat (seeing that there was no food left). Half a bottle of Clorox later the mess was all cleaned up. We ate and then decided to close the house up again.

Ten minutes after the window were shut, the whole house smell of old rotten wood and cat pee. What the hell? I guess poor little Simba had his legs crossed while he was locked up and ran right for his box – but unfortunately for me – he missed and got the old wood paneling on the wall behind the cat box. Out come the rubber gloves and the bottle of Clorox. Again.

About 10pm I finally crashed on the couch. Phew. Maybe I should just go to bed.
“Rattle, Rattle, Wheeze, Gasp.”

Oh, No. Not tonight. Don’t you dare…. We have a 50 gallon fish tank that has a small algae problem (no make that a big algae problem) that will totally kill the old and tired filter system. Which is exactly what happen Tuesday night at 10:15 pm. We had to totally disassemble the filter system and clean it out.

Ok, that’s it, I’m going to bed, I can’t take anymore. About a half an hour later, Dan asks for a flashlight.

“Huh?”

Shortly thereafter he comes into the room and says “I don’t think I should have sat by you on the couch tonight. Whatever affliction of calamity you have must have rubbed off on me!”
He dropped his contact, we all do it, but unfortunately for him – it went down the drain. The last pair. His glasses are 4+ years old and he has no medical insurance…

I figure blessed sleep, make the day end – the next day I woke up with a cold, almost no voice and was facing teaching all day for the remainder of the week. Figures.

One of my favorite books growing up was about a little girl named Violet. Violet was a little bit of a tomboy, she loved to be outside and doing things that were fun, usually at the expense of her clothes, personal belongings and general appearance. She was as her mother put it an Ultraviolet Catastrophe – some weeks I feel more like Violet then others…